“RSVP-ing”

RSVP stands for “Repondez S'il Vous Plait” which is French for “Please reply”. RSVP information can be provided directly on the invitation or, for more formal invitations, hosts can include a response or reply card. In the latter case, as a guest, you are required to complete the response card and mail or return it to the hosts by the deadline stated. If no response card is included, you can reply by writing a short a note on your personal or other elegant stationery or you can call the hosts directly. Today, couples are using online RSVP services, but this is largely a foreign trend. The ultimate in bad taste is never calling the hosts to RSVP or having the hosts hear about your RSVP from someone else! Remember to be considerate of the hosts and/or the couple, since they have many other wedding elements to plan and remember, so your RSVP will surely save them time and worry!

Declining an invitation

If you cannot attend a wedding, you can complete the response card, write a note to the couple or call. However, whether attending the wedding or not, proper etiquette indicates that you should send a gift, since the couple has considered you enough to invite you to share their special day.

Gift-giving

Unfortunately, there is no hard and fast rule on how much to spend on a gift. A good guide is that the value of your gift should equal the cost the couple will incur to host you at their wedding. Of course, this is just a guideline and you should only give what you can afford. Sometimes, a sentimental or heirloom gift; or help prior to the wedding, may be of greater value to the bride and groom than a purchased present. It all depends on the couple’s needs and style. Registries are one place guests can visit to find a suitable gift. Registries will often wrap and tag gifts off as well, so all you need to do is sign the gift tag that accompanies the gift or bring along a card you have previously purchased. However, as a guest you are not obligated to purchase from a registry. You can also choose a gift you think they will like or give a monetary gift. If you’re giving money, you should enclose the cash or cheque in an envelope, within a gift card, to prevent it from being misplaced. Some guests feel awkward about giving money, particularly if they don’t know the couple well enough or because they can’t gauge how much to give. In this instance, why not give a gift certificate instead?

It is also proper etiquette to purchase a wedding gift for the couple, even though you may have brought a gift or contributed to the bridal shower or bachelor party. Typically, gifts should be sent prior to the wedding, or if this is not possible, at least within one year after the wedding has taken place. On the flip-side, if a wedding is called off, the couple must notify guests by calling or sending a card, and returning all bridal shower and wedding gifts that have been sent.

Bringing along unwanted company

Once an invitation has been addressed to “Mr.& Mrs.” or states “Adult Reception”, it is absolutely not appropriate for guests to bring their children along. Remember that it is the hosts’ prerogative to invite whom they choose. Some couples choose to only invite children that are part of the bridal party, or only nieces, nephews and god-children or simply to invite guests that are above a certain age. As a guest, the onus is on you to arrange baby-sitting and not to burden the hosts with this responsibility. If you cannot arrange baby-sitting, you may have to decline the invitation and state your situation. Remember that by bringing along unexpected children or other guests (friends and visiting relatives) you will not only embarrass yourself but moreover, put the hosts into both seating and catering predicaments.

Over-indulgence

Sharing in a couple’s wedding day is both a privilege and an honour. It is not a time to complain to other guests about the food’s quantity and quality; or about the fact that there are no brand-name alcoholic beverages available. Moreover, it is most definitely not an opportunity to eat until your suit or dress buttons pop off, dance lewdly or get so intoxicated that you have to be escorted out.

Asking rude questions

Avoid asking the bride and groom or the hosts about how much things cost for the wedding –not only is this a violation of privacy, it is rude. As a guest your concern should be for the couple’s happiness and not calculating their wedding budget! Brides and grooms who are assaulted by questions such as “how much did your décor/food & beverage/attire or venue cost?” can diplomatically say, the costs were reasonable or affordable and hopefully, this will avoid further questioning!